1) I understand completely, and I feel for you.....
Bringing
home a newborn can be exhausting for anyone.
Adjusting to sleep deprivation and meeting the constant need of a
newborn can suck the life right out of a person. Take that times two, and you had our life a
few months ago. Our twins are the most
wonderful thing that has ever happened to us, but taking care of them all day
on my own completely drains me some days.
2) Nothing could prepare me for colic.......
We found
out we were having twins nearly a year ago, and we were overjoyed with the
news! Having multiples never frightened me.
I felt very prepared to make the transition to becoming a mommy of
twins. I felt like I already had some preparation
for raising multiples from past experiences, and my ability to keep things organized
was going to be a plus when it came to managing two babies. After all, I paid my way through college by
working at a daycare. I spent the first two
years working as a floater, primarily floating from the infant, toddler and two
year old classrooms. Back then the ratio
for infants was one worker to four babies.
I figured if I could juggle four babies on my own ten years ago, then I
could definitely handle being the mom of twins.
By the time I was 20, I was teaching in the three’s room, where the
ratio was one teacher to ten children. I
had thirty children in my class, with two assistant teachers. If I could handle 30 three year olds from
3) Yes, colic sucks. It sucks even more if you have multiples.
Classic
colic is defined as a minimum of three hours of crying for at least three days
a week. Both of my babies easily fit
into this category. Classic colic crying
fits usually start and end at the same time each day. Again, both of my babies fit into this
category. The crying would usually start
up in early afternoon, and they would cry until bed time. And not just regular crying…..I’m talking
unsoothable screaming. You see, when
your baby has colic, there is nothing you can do to soothe them. As a parent, you want to fix everything and
you just can’t fix it! Oh yes, I was familiar with “The Happiest Baby on the
Block” method of doing things. When your
baby has colic the “Happiest Baby on the Block” method of doing things is just
a load of crap! I’d like to throw that
book at someone….that’s what I’d like to do when someone would ask me if I had
tried the book’s methods of the famous “Five S’s”: swaddling, side/stomach
position, swinging, shushing and sucking.
Because when your baby, or in our case babies, are having what we would
soon call “colic meltdowns”, the last thing our babies wanted was to be
swaddled up like a cocoon, unable to move their arms and legs. If we put them on their side or stomach, they
would cry even louder, kicking their legs up in the air as they tried to
balance on their belly. And swinging
them was a joke. It didn’t matter if we
were swinging them or if we tried using their baby swings, it just didn’t
work! They didn’t like their swings at
all until they were three months old. They only liked car rides, and even that didn't always stop their crying. Shushing
them only annoyed them. I kid you not,
our little Aaron would whack us in the face and push us away when we shushed at
him. And as much as our babies loved
their pacifiers, they would often refuse pacifiers when they were having a
screaming fit.
4) There's not much you can do for colic, except wait it out.....
So if none
of those things helped our colicky babies, what did help you ask? I’m about to get real with you here. Prepare yourself. Honestly, NOTHING helped! We just had to wait it out. I know that if you are reading this and
looking for some magical way to handle colic, that’s probably not what you want
to hear, but it is true. Our babies had
colic from 2-10 weeks, and there was nothing we could do. Just like the text books suggest, the colic
peaked during weeks 5-7 and then slowly improved. By the time the boys were three months old,
colic was a thing of the past.
5) Colic doesn't last forever.....
The most
encouraging thing I can tell a parent who is dealing with colic is that it doesn't last forever. This too shall
pass. I know you want me to tell you to
do something or try something, but honestly, nothing we could do really
helped. All we could do was survive. Colic
isn’t a disease. It’s usually a result of something else. In our case, our pediatrician and we believed
that the colic was from the boys having very sensitive tummies. They had a really hard time with gas in the
beginning. We tried everything for their
tummies, and nothing really worked. I
was cautious of my diet when I breastfed them. We changed their formula to sensitive
tummies. Gas drops weren't very
effective. Over-the-counter “gripe water” didn't do anything. We finally ordered
Woodword’s gripe water from amazon.com.
The dill in it is supposed to help soothe baby tummies. That was the most effective thing we found,
but even that didn't make the colic go away.
I would highly recommend that product though. For the first few days, we thought it was
actually working, but it really didn't make the colic go away. However, we could get a few moments of peace when we
gave the babies a dose of it and put a pacifier in their mouth. On the bright side, our babies are four months old now, and while they are occasionally fussy, they are nothing like they were those first two months.
6) It's ok to walk away and take a break....
In all
honesty, the best thing I could do some days was walk away. If I was home alone, sometimes I just had to
put them down safely in their cribs and let them scream for a few moments,
while I walked away and cried. Yes, I had
a meltdown of my own a few times. That’s
what happens to you when you hear nothing but constant screaming for
hours. It wears on you, and that's ok. It's nothing to feel bad about. You see, the biggest difference from my ten years of childcare experience to becoming a mom is that as a mom, I can't clock out at 6pm. I'm a mom 24/7. There is a baby constantly needing me, and when that baby has colic, it just multiplies the stress level. I would live for
7) Never take the frustration out on the baby....
The most important thing is that your frustrations never get taken out on the baby. I get it, colic can make even the most lovable parent feel like they are going crazy. As miserable as it is being the parent of an unsoothable baby, I kept telling myself it had to be so much worse to be that unsoothable baby. I tried to empathize with my little ones, wondering what it must be like to be the baby that can't be soothed.
8) If you have a support system, use it.
The nice
thing about colic, is that it is usually not twenty-four hours of crying, seven
days a week. I’m not minimizing the effects colic can have on a parent. It might seem like it is 24/7, but there
would certainly be some normal days in our house. There were days where the boys would cry like normal
babies, as in they wouldn't cry for hours and hours. But even when they weren't having a colic meltdown, they were in general, fussy babies those first three
months. The fussiness just became my new
normal. Yes, people asked me all the time if they could do anything to help or if I wanted them to come over and give me a break. I greatly appreciated those gestures of kindness and gladly accepted the meals and visits from friends, but 1) I could never tell when the babies were going to go into a screaming fit or when I would need a break, and 2) I'm not the kind of person who is going to ask for help. I will say that if you are comfortable with taking help from support groups like church, neighbors or family, I highly recommend letting them help you. I know when my mom would come to visit once a month, it was the best three days of the month. I wish she lived down the street from me....better yet, let's just move her in! When I was on my own, I learned to just do my best to keep the babies happy when I could and survive them when I couldn't. For me, I found that they were
happiest when I was holding both of them in my arms at the same time. So to keep things as quiet and calm as I
could in our home, I could often be found in my bed holding two sleeping babies
with a pillow propped up under my arm. After
several weeks, I was so over sitting in bed watching TV and holding babies. I
longed for the day when they would enjoy their swings and
vibrating chairs, so I could get up and do something without having them
attached to me.
9) They are only tiny once.....
Now that the boys are a little over four months old, there is a part of me that misses those days. I don't miss the screaming, but I certainly do miss having two tiny babies fit into my arms in a peaceful slumber of sleep. On the days that I really wanted to get up and clean my house without having babies need me every moment of the day, I just tried to tell myself they were only going to be tiny for so long, and I would soon have more than enough time to clean my house or run errands for the family.
10) As tiresome and frustrating as colic is, a baby is worth every bit of it!
Colic is now a thing of the past, and I have to tell you that my babies were worth every bit of the sleepless days and nights.....worth every bit of the hours of crying....worth everyone of my new-mom meltdowns. Colic or no colic, I love my babies more than anything in the world, and I would relive the first few weeks all over again if I had to. I wish this post was more encouraging, but this is just my story of surviving twins with colic. I think the only silver lining to having a baby who cries hour after hour is to know that somewhere out there is a woman who would do anything to have a baby like the one (or in our case the ones) you were given, but for whatever reason she hasn't been able to. She's desperate for a baby, even a screaming baby. May we always be thankful for the gift of motherhood and never take it for granted. I don't know about you, but I'd rather have two screaming babies than not have a baby at all.  |
| The boys when they were six weeks old. |
