Somehow I have let three months go by without writing to you. I feel like you are going to look at how often I wrote your brothers when they were in the womb, and then see the three letters that I managed to write you, and somehow think you weren't as special. I assure you, nothing could be farther from the truth! The difference is that when I had your brothers, I had a full time job, but I was not a full time mom! BIG DIFFERENCE! I'm lucky to get 20-30 minutes to myself during their nap time, just because your brothers have never synchronized their sleep patterns (which is really annoying by the way). By the time they go to bed, my brain is too fried to sit down and write.
Speaking of preparing for your arrival, you have finally been given a name ~ Charlotte Adalynn. Yes, I gave your dad his way and let him have the name Charlotte! He was thrilled! It would not have been my first choice, so if you grow up hating it, you can blame him. I still get to use the name Adalynn as the middle name, so it was somewhat of a compromise. Ada, after your Dad's grandma, and Lynn, after my mom. While your name wasn't a name I would have chosen, it has grown on me, and now I think it is very beautiful.
While we are very excited to meet you, I'm finding your arrival to be bitter-sweet. For one, I know how tired I am, and at times how difficult things are for me just being pregnant while taking care of twin two year olds. I know that when you come, my tiredness will turn to pure exhaustion, and life is only going to get harder, not easier. I love your brothers to pieces, but they are little balls of energy! I am fully expecting them to be more work than taking care of you as a newborn. The difference is that I will be sleep deprived with a newborn, in addition to having two rambunctious two year old boys running around. Secondly, as much as I have never LOVED the being pregnant part of pregnancy, this is the last pregnancy that your dad and I are planning. It's a little bitter-sweet to know the movement in my womb that I am currently feeling may be my last.....or that you will be the last newborn we have in our home.....or that I'll be packing up my maternity clothes for good.... or that the baby clothes and equipment can be sold once you outgrow them. I do feel complete with you being our last pregnancy, whereas with your brothers I only felt content, not complete. But there is just something about it becoming a reality, that is a little sad.
Even with that little bit of sadness, your arrival will bring much more joy! Yes, I will be exhausted when you come, but the idea of having another addition to our family in just a few days or weeks is beyond exciting! I can't wait to hold you, to feel you skin to skin, to hear you tiny cry, to see your smile, to look into your eyes, to nurse you until you fall asleep. There is something very special about carrying a baby in your womb, and I do not take that for granted, as there was time when I was not sure that was God's plan for me. But there is something even more special when you hold that baby for the first time and are flooded with emotions of pure love! It's the best feeling! So until then, Charlotte Adalynn, continue to grow inside of me and become healthy and strong. I love you very much and look forward to meeting you very soon.