Six weeks and adjusting.....

 

Our sweet Charlotte blessed us with her presence six weeks ago, making my postpartum recovery time officially over.  Adjusting to my new life with three kids, two years old and under is in full-swing.

 

The first three weeks after Charlotte was born, I felt very grateful to have Matthew home with me.  His work mandated three weeks paid paternity leave beginning in 2016.  This was a big difference from the one day of paid paternity he got when the twins were born two years ago.

 

Physically, my recovery was much easier after this delivery, only because I didn't have a C-section.  The first week, I was up and at 'em, and in hind-sight, doing way more than I should have been doing.  Only home a few hours, yet I found myself cleaning the house and taking family walks.  Not wanting to waste any of the precious time we had Daddy home with us, I made sure to arrange fun summer things to do with the boys, like going to the strawberry patch, the zoo, the splash pad and a few playgrounds.  We made fun memories, but I do wish that I would have taken more time to rest during those three weeks, as I was feeling really tired and fatigued by the time Matt went back to work.

 

One great thing about having Matt home for three weeks was that he was a HUGE help with our rambunctious two year olds.  Having his help with them was greatly appreciated, as both boys were displaying behavior issues in the days and weeks that followed their sister's arrival.  He would often take them with him to the gym or the pool to burn off energy, and I would often take one of them with me for quick errands here and there, just to try to get a little one-on-one time with them, as we all adjusted to a new baby in the house.  Daddy even camped out with them in the living room one night, which the boys of course loved, and I took them on a donut date one morning to show them a little extra attention.  Six weeks into our new lives with a baby, and the big brothers are still adjusting but doing much better than when baby sister first came home.

 

When the three weeks of paternity leave were over, we were all ready to get back into a routine.  Matt was more than ready to go back to work.  I was obviously not looking forward to doing twelve hour days on my own, but I was anxious to get back to a daily schedule.  

 

Three weeks later and into a new routine with three little ones in the house, and I'm not gonna lie....I am one tired mama!  I'm still adjusting and trying to find my groove.  I wish I could be Super Mom and get a bazillion things done in a day, while taking care of my "angel" kids....BUT....

 

The reality is that my days start early and end late.

 

And most days I'm just keeping my kids alive.

 

I've come to ACCEPT that.....

 

They don't call it the terrible two for nothing.  My twins are more work now than when they were babies, and more exhausting than the new baby!

 

Showering can only happen at night after Matt gets home.

 

Messy buns and maxi skirts define my outward appearance this summer.

 

Wearing a little makeup, perfume and jewelry help me feel better about myself in the mornings.

 

Coffee gets reheated at least 2-3 times each morning before finishing a cup.

 

A sugar-free protein bar is what I'm calling breakfast.

 

Baby weight takes time and work to come off.

 

Only getting my cloth diapers and one other load of laundry accomplished in a day is sufficient for now.

 

Making easy meals every night will do just fine until I can figure out a way to make more time in the kitchen.  After all, no one is starving around here.

 

Getting the house cleaned on the weekends is not ideal, but for now it is the only time I can do it, and that's ok.

 

Nursing is a full time job.  Somehow, I had forgotten that.

 

Daddy taking the boys out of the house for a couple hours on the weekend and leaving me with the newborn feels like vacation.

 

Getting a nap is not realistic, but if all three kids nap at the exact same time, I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT AND NAP TOO!

 

Freezing and canning what I have time for from the garden is all that's going to happen this year, and giving away the rest can be a blessing to someone else.

 

Shopping with two toddlers and an infant has been interesting, but we are managing.  I am certain that every week I go through the checkout line with a screaming infant who knows it has been two hours and is ready to nurse,  and a two toddlers that have been confined to a cart for too long with an insane amount of energy laughing and speaking in their own twin language for all of Target to hear.....well, I am certain watching us checkout is great birth control for all of the teenage cashiers.

 

Blogging or doing anything for myself will happen when it happens, as it is not something that NEEDS to get done.

 

And most importantly, taking a moment to cuddle my newborn or play with my boys should always trump my to-do-list.

 

Why? Because time will always move forward, and I will never get these moments back again. 

 

 



 

Charlotte - One Month Old

 

This past month has flown by.  Our Charlotte is already a month old and is growing every day!  Why do they have to grow so fast in the first year!  Just like when our boys were tiny, I am constantly taking pictures of our little one to document her first year of life. 

 

Our sweet girl has gained one pound and four ounces since her birth, making her just under 8lbs at one month old.  She is EBF and eats every 2-3 hours during the day.  She still sleeps well, and overall has been a fairly easy baby - Thank you Jesus, as my boys were not the easiest infants!

 

It has been a joy to have a new baby in the house, and we feel truly blessed to have Charlotte as a part of our family! 

 



 

 

Charlotte's Birth Story

 

Whether medicated or natural, at home or in a hospital, vaginal or cesarean ~ the moment a child is placed into a mother's arms for the first time ~ that moment is the same for us all.  A moment filled with intense emotion.  A moment of pure love.  A moment I'm grateful to have not only experienced once, but twice.  Our precious Charlotte Adalynn is our third child, but second birth.  This is her birth story.

 



For the most part, my first and second pregnancy were very different.  For one, my second pregnancy was one baby, not two babies.  Secondly, it was a natural pregnancy, and conception didn't seem to be nearly as difficult this time around.  This pregnancy was also physically easier, with the exception of having more nausea than I did in my twin pregnancy. 

Seriously though, my twins put my body through ringer, so even when I was 37/38 weeks pregnant with one baby, I was still feeling pretty comfortable physically, only because I remember what true misery felt like from when I carried my twins to 37 weeks! 

When it came time to give birth to our daughter, I would soon find out that birth would also be a much different experience the second time around.  What was not different, and agonizingly all too familiar for an impatient person like myself, was the final weeks leading up to her birth.

By 36 weeks gestation with Charlotte, I was at the point in my pregnancy where I was getting seen weekly by doctors. It was at my 36 week appointment that I asked for a cervical check.  I had been having inconsistent contractions and wanted to see if I had started dilating, as dilation began at 32/33 weeks with my twins.  

It was SLOW with my twins.  Read their birth story, and you will know that even at 37 weeks, I went into the doctor at 4cm and had an induction. 24 hours later, I never got past 9cm and had to have a C-section. 

Sure enough at 36 weeks in my second pregnancy, I was 1 cm dilated.  By 37 weeks, I was at 2cm.  At this point, I was starting to really feel the contractions, hints the dilation, but the contractions were still very sporadic. 

At 38 weeks, I was 4cm dilated and getting very frustrated, as I was having false labor but couldn't seem to get myself into real labor.  I had my membranes stripped during my weekly doctor appointment, but it didn't seem to do much, as I had already been losing my mucus plug for days.   

 

I was beginning to think that my body was just unable to contract normally, as I had this same experience with my twins for weeks before their birth.  My doctor and I had even talked about the possibility of choosing a C-section over a vbac.  Because I have twin toddlers at home, I really did not want a C-section.  The recovery from surgery would not be easy with my little guys at home.  But because I had already had a C-section, I could not be induced this time.  And so I needed to come up with a plan for how long I wanted to go before scheduling a C-section.  My doctor would not insist on intervening until 41 weeks, but I couldn't imagine going that long considering the fact that I was already feeling sporadic contractions.  So if by 39 weeks if I did not make any cervical progress, I would schedule a C-section for the end of the week. But if  I could make it to 6cm by 39 weeks, they would break my water and let me try for a vbac. 

By 38 weeks and 3 days, I was staying up at night having consistent contractions.  They would start as crampy contractions.....Get closer together....Get uncomfortable to where I needed to breath through the contractions....And before I knew it they would be five minutes apart and feel like full-blown, Charlie-horse contractions, and I would think it's time to go the hospital.  Not wanting to call our emergency person for the boys in the middle of the night unless it was completely necessary, we waited until morning before making plans.  But just like my twin pregnancy, by morning my contractions would stop or be sporadic again. 

This was deja vu from my last labor, and I hated it! I was having prodromal labor all over again, and it was incredibly frustrating!  Labor that starts, and then for whatever reason stops and starts back up again several hours later!

By 38 weeks and 6 days, I had another night of early labor.  Contractions were three minutes apart by 4am, but by 6am they were back to 10 minutes apart.  At this point, I finally called L&D.  The doctor on call wanted me to come in for a cervical check, since I was at 4cm at my 38 week appointment.  And so I called my emergency caretaker for the boys, and by 8am Matt and I were at the hospital.  The entire time we are checking in I am stopping to breath through my contractions, praying to God I am past 4cm and can get true labor started!

I was immediately hooked up to the machines, so my contractions could be monitored.  Soon after the doctor came in and checked me, and wouldn't you know I was STILL at 4cm!  Are you kidding me?!? How had I not dilated in all those days, considering I was having real contractions, not those annoying BH contractions! 

I'm not gonna lie, at this point I just became really negative.  I was ready to schedule a C-section and get it over with.  I thought for sure my body was going to fail me again and not dilate to 10 on its own.  Since,I was one day away from 39 weeks, nothing could be done that day at the hospital unless I had cervical progression.  As the doctor told me, if I wasn't progressing, I was just having contractions and wasn't in hard labor.  He wanted me to stay for a short time to be monitored, but after that, he gave me two options:  go home and try to labor on my own, or stay at the hospital throughout the day to be monitored.  If I chose the latter, I'd have to stay in a bed and be hooked up to the contraction monitor.  I also couldn't eat anything.  Already starving and beyond uncomfortable contracting in a hospital bed, I was leaning towards going home, so I could at least soak in a warm tub to help ease the pain. 

By this point the contractions were no longer eased by me stopping to breath through them, but rather they were to the point where I was screaming through the pain, which is obviously not ideal.  Not wanting me to go home in that much pain, we opted to walk the hospital halls and try using a birthing ball for awhile, before getting my cervix checked one more time and making a decision about our day.  During those 40 minutes, my contractions were intense and became very close together.  The once quiet halls we were slowly walking, were soon filled with my cries and moans, as I would stop and hold on to my husband through each contraction. 

By now it was 10am, and all of sudden things were progressing QUICKLY!  The doctor checked me and after being at 4cm for days, I went to 6cm in two hours time!  I  was officially admitted as a patient.  Even though I was in intense pain, I wanted to go as long as I could without an epidural.  I wanted to labor in the Jacuzzi tub or on a birthing ball for awhile, remembering how my epidural slowed down my labor progress last time.  While laboring in the tub was my plan, I was in such intense pain and having nonstop contractions that within just a few minutes of being admitted, I found myself begging for an epidural!  In the meantime, I was injected with some intense pain killer that didn't really seem to help the pain, but rather made me feel tired and light-headed.

By 11am I was greeted by a gentleman with a giant needle.  He was my hero, as he was my only answer for instant relief!  I cared about nothing else but getting that big ol' needle in my back, something that under any other circumstance would seem terrifying.  That just goes to show that when you are feeling the most  intense pain you've ever felt in your entire life, you'll do just about anything to get rid of it.  Pains that felt like my insides were being torn in two.  Like the most intense Charlie horse you've ever had, only it's in your mid section and just as it goes away, it comes back again, and all you want to do is SCREAM!!!  That's what hard labor contractions feel like. This was a new experience for me, as I had an epidural before I ever felt intense labor pains with my twins.

Here's the thing with my epidural experience for Charlotte's birth.  We didn't know it at the time, but I was transitioning during my epidural!!!  All I knew was that my pain on a scale of 1-10 felt like a 100!  Not able to get a break from the contractions at all, I found myself screaming, with tears and runny mascara streaming down my face.  I had my hero with the needle behind me telling me I had to sit still, yet I found myself unable to sit still through the contractions.  I had my nurse in front of me, physically holding me to keep me still and telling me to focus on breathing instead of screaming.  And then I had my husband in the distance, trying to encourage me by telling me I could do this.

 

After forty minutes and multiple attempts and sticks with a giant needle, I was finally numb from the waist down.  It was nearly instant relief for me!  My screaming stopped.  My crying stopped.  I could breath again. 

As my pain was quickly diminishing, I felt a great amount of pelvic pressure and felt like I could push.  My nurse quickly checked my cervix, and to everyone's surprise, I was at 9.5 cm!  Yep, we didn't realize it as it was happening, but I was transitioning while they were trying to give me an epidural.  I will forever use this as my excuse to why I must have sounded so dramatic during my epidural! 

The doctor was quickly paged to my room.  I had just enough time to touch up my makeup, or at least wipe my raccoon eyes clean, before being told it was time to push.  The clock read 12:20 pm.  I couldn't believe that just four hours prior, we were checking into the hospital and were told we could home if we wanted to.  Good thing we decided to stay, or there is a real possibility my husband could have been delivering his own child, as I would have never thought my body would have gone from 4-10 in four hours after taking three weeks to get from 1-4!

At 12:59 p.m., after 39 minutes of pushing, a 6 lb. 10 oz. baby girl with a head full of dark hair came out of the body that carried her for nine months, and just like with my boys, I was overcome with an intense emotion of pure love!  And so, on June 4, 2016, after a labor that started slow and ended quickly, I held our miracle baby in our arms.  Our precious gift from God, Charlotte Adalynn made us a family of five!

This tiny, squishy baby girl came into the world and immediately melted our hearts!  We are so thankful God has chosen us to be her parents!  May we always remember she is a gift given to us for a season in time.  With this gift comes the great responsibility to love her, nurture her and raise her in a way that would be pleaseing to our Heavenly Father.  Thank you Jesus for this precious gift!

 

Newborn Pictures and Learning to Love My Postpartum Self

 

Blogging is a hobby that I very much enjoy, but since I became a mother, my blog often gets neglected.  I still get on here and post a few things every once in awhile, but these days most of my posts are about my kids and are no longer DIY related. 

 

Three weeks ago, we welcomed our beautiful baby girl into the world!  And so this afternoon, while my husband has the twins at a birthday party and I am sitting in a unusually quiet house, I thought I'd sit down and attempt to get a blog post up.  I was going to share Charlotte Adalynn's birth story on my blog, just as I shared my twin birth story.  I still plan on doing that, but for today, I thought I'd get back into the swing of things with an easy post, which is why I'm blogging about Baby Girl's newborn pictures.

 

Overall, Charlotte has been a really good baby.  She sleeps much more than my twins did, on average 20-22 hours a day!  This is why I was surprised and a little frustrated (at the situation and nothing else) that she was awake and fussy for the majority of the time we had her pictures scheduled.

Even with a fussy baby ~ and two toddlers who refused to sit still unless you gave them a cookie or put a TV show on for them ~ Kingfish Photography still managed to get some beautiful pictures of our newest addition to the family.  Dave has always taken great photos for our family.  Be sure to look them up on Facebook if you are local to Indiana.

 



Here's the thing with newborn pictures.  Yes, I want to get them taken within two weeks of birth while the baby is still squishy-cute, teeny-tiny, and extremely sleepy....but boy oh boy do I not look forward to getting any pictures  with me and the baby when I am two weeks postpartum!

 



 

I remember feeling this way when I had the twins too, and I would say that most moms feel the same way!  I mean for heaven's sake, I just birthed a child...or two, depending on which birth I'm referring too. 

 



 

While some women do pregnancy and postpartum beautifully, I do not!  I gained 60 pounds with my twins and 38 pounds with this baby!  That does not come off in two weeks time, so pictures are the last thing I want to be in.  And this time around, I only lost three pounds from the day I went into the hospital to the day I came home from the hospital!  How does that even happen?  I birthed a six pound baby and a placenta!  I'll tell you how...POSTPARTUM SWELLING!  I had it crazy-bad with the twins.  My legs looked like tree trunks for weeks.  And with this baby, I surprisingly also had quite a bit of postpartum swelling even though I never swelled in this pregnancy.

 

I say all of that to say that while I hate the way my body looks in pictures with my newborns, simply because I'm still 20-30 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight at two weeks postpartum, I still TREASURE these pictures with my newborn babies.  They are special, and I don't regret getting them taken.  In fact, I'd kick myself if I didn't get them taken.  Pictures are special to me.  They are what triggers my memories, and I want to remember these years of having little ones at my feet and in my arms needing their Mama, because one day, they won't need me anymore.  One day they will be grown. 

 

So for now, I treasure the moments and I treasure the pictures, even if I don't love the way I look in them. While I may want to crop out my belly fat here and there, the reality is that this is ME.....this is my NOW....these are the MOMENTS I live for....the SEASON of life I will miss more than anything when it is over.  Saggy belly, tired eyes, wide hips, unwashed hair and a temperament that is easily frustrated and hormonal ~ this is my postpartum self, beautiful in its own way.  The reality is that I'd rather look like my postpartum self with a baby in my arms, than to have my pre pregnancy body  back and never know the gift that is motherhood through child birth.  Thank you Jesus for this gift.  May I never take it for granted.

 

 

All pictures were taken by Kingfish photography and may not be used or copied without permission.



Letters to our Baby Girl

Somehow I have let three months go by without writing to you.  I feel like you are going to look at how often I wrote your brothers when they were in the womb, and then see the three letters that I managed to write you, and somehow think you weren't as special.  I assure you, nothing could be farther from the truth!  The difference is that when I had your brothers, I had a full time job, but I was not a full time mom!  BIG DIFFERENCE!  I'm lucky to get 20-30 minutes to myself during their nap time, just because your brothers have never synchronized their sleep patterns (which is really annoying by the way).  By the time they go to bed, my brain is too fried to sit down and write.

 

Much has happened in the last three months.  For one, day to day life has made this pregnancy fly by.  It feels like we found out your gender then we traded in my car for a mom-van, went on vacation, started consignment season, celebrated our wedding anniversary and the boys' second birthday, celebrated Easter, attempted potty training, started gardening season, and prepared things for our home study visit....all of this while preparing for your arrival. 

Speaking of preparing for your arrival, you have finally been given a name ~ Charlotte Adalynn.  Yes, I gave your dad his way and let him have the name Charlotte!  He was thrilled!  It would not have been my first choice, so if you grow up hating it, you can blame him.  I still get to use the name Adalynn as the middle name, so it was somewhat of a compromise.  Ada, after your Dad's grandma, and Lynn, after my mom.  While your name wasn't a name I would have chosen, it has grown on me, and now I think it is very beautiful.

 

We've also been preparing for your arrival by getting your room ready.  It has been SLOW getting it done, but I'm very pleased with the outcome.  It's just as I envisioned, whimsical and charming, and perfect for a growing little girl!   I've also been filling your closet with clothes from garage sales and consignment sales.  I love shopping for a girl!  It's too much fun!



 

So far this pregnancy has gone smoothly. I'm just now starting to get uncomfortable, but after carrying your brothers for 37 weeks, this pregnancy has been a breeze.  Truthfully, in my opinion, a singleton pregnancy and a multiple pregnancy do not even compare, as far as discomfort goes!  As of today, I am 2 cm dilated and counting down the days till we get to meet you.  Less than a month to go, depending on how fast you want to come.

While we are very excited to meet you, I'm finding your arrival to be bitter-sweet.  For one, I know how tired I am, and at times how difficult things are for me just being pregnant while taking care of twin two year olds.  I know that when you come, my tiredness will turn to pure exhaustion, and life is only going to get harder, not easier.  I love your brothers to pieces, but they are little balls of energy! I am fully expecting them to be more work than taking care of you as a newborn.  The difference is that I will be sleep deprived with a newborn, in addition to having two rambunctious two year old boys running around.  Secondly, as much as I have never LOVED the being pregnant part of pregnancy, this is the last pregnancy that your dad and I are planning.  It's a little bitter-sweet to know the movement in my womb that I am currently feeling may be my last.....or that you will be the last newborn we have in our home.....or that I'll be packing up my maternity clothes for good.... or that the baby clothes and equipment can be sold once you outgrow them.  I do feel complete with you being our last pregnancy, whereas with your brothers I only felt content, not complete.  But there is just something about it becoming a reality, that is a little sad. 

Even with that little bit of sadness, your arrival will bring much more joy!  Yes, I will be exhausted when you come, but the idea of having another addition to our family in just a few days or weeks is beyond exciting!  I can't wait to hold you, to feel you skin to skin, to hear you tiny cry, to see your smile, to look into your eyes, to nurse you until you fall asleep.  There is something very special about carrying a baby in your womb, and I do not take that for granted, as there was time when I was not sure that was God's plan for me.  But there is something even more special when you hold that baby for the first time and are flooded with emotions of pure love!  It's the best feeling!  So until then, Charlotte Adalynn, continue to grow inside of me and become healthy and strong.  I love you very much and look forward to meeting you very soon.

Love, 
Mommy 

Letters to our Baby Girl

     Hello there baby girl!  That's right, I said baby girl!  We found out a few weeks ago, our precious little miracle is a baby girl.  I confess, there were a few happy tears streaming down my face when I heard the news.  Not that I wouldn't have been happy if you were a boy.....BUT I was definitely envisioning pink when I thought about your arrival.



     I assure you, plenty of pink is already being purchased.  I'm shopping garage sale sites for girl clothes and am just beginning to get a few things for your room.  It's very exciting preparing for your arrival, although I confess I was much faster getting things ready for your brothers when I was pregnant with them.  I feel as though I'm moving at a snail-pace this time around, in comparison to my first pregnancy.



     As far as the pregnancy goes, it's still not super enjoyable, but I suppose pregnancy isn't supposed to be.  There are some women who make pregnancy look so easy.  Someday you'll know what I'm talking about.  These are the few blessed women who never get sick or struggle with crazy hormones, and of course they don't get fat!  They just have these tiny cute baby bumps and can fit back into pre-pregnancy clothes a week after giving birth.  I assure you, I am not one of these women.  I really thought that this pregnancy might be more enjoyable with just one baby ~ and for the most part it has been more enjoyable, as carrying twins for 37 weeks was no walk in the park!  Even still, things like sickness, fatigue and weight gain (all over weight-gain even though you are barely one pound right now) are all just a part of the pregnancy I suppose.  Truthfully though, I have no real complaints and am just happy to experience pregnancy, as a vowed a long time ago that I would never take it for granted. 



      I'll end this letter by saying that you area still nameless.  The good news is that there are more girl names that your dad and I both like than there are boy names.  The bad news is that we are both pretty adamant on which girl name we want to call you.  For some reason, your father is obsessed with the name Charlotte and has been ever since I can remember.  I do not dislike the name Charlotte, but I don't love it either.  I also worry it may be
one of those names that is popular right now, but may not be a name you will love forever.  If your dad had his way, you would be called Charlotte Rose.  I assure you this will not be your name, as I feel like adding the middle name Rose to an older name like Charlotte makes it a bit too 1900's for my personal taste.  I want to name you Adalynn, after your great grandma Ada and your grandmother's middle name Lynn.  Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time convincing your father of this.  So for now, we are torn between Charlotte Noelle or Adalynn Kate.  If I want the name Adalynn at all, I may have to go with Charlotte Adalynn, however I'm not loving that combination at the moment.  Other names that we love are Lillee Grace, after your grandmother's middle name Lee, but we are reserving that name for a little girl we believe God will give us in the future through adoption. I also love the names Emelia, Annaliese, Evelyn, Emmalynn and Lydia, but these are not top contenders at the moment.  Your father likes the names Olivia, Emma and Camilla, but I've scratched those off the list for now, especially since he's dead-set on naming you Charlotte.  So for now nameless baby girl, know that you are loved, and we are excited about adding a little girl to our family.  Maybe next time I write you, you will officially have a name.

Love,
Mommy

Letters to Our Miracle Baby

To our miracle baby,

I'm nearly 17 weeks pregnant with you, and even though I am often physically reminded that there is a baby growing inside of me, I'm not quite certain that the reality of this pregnancy has completely soaked in yet.  Maybe that's because you were such a surprise - a beautiful, perfect surprise ~ to your Daddy and me.  Maybe it's because this pregnancy is so different than my first.  With your brothers, I had doctor's appointments and ultrasounds every few weeks, so I was literally seeing two little lives growing inside of me throughout my entire pregnancy, giving me a very unique connection to that pregnancy.  Your brothers were also my first kids, and while that doesn't make them any more special than you, it does mean that I had more time to sit down to my computer and blog about that pregnancy, which led to the blog series "Letters to my Babies".

Being a mom to twin toddlers and being pregnant with a third baby leaves me exhausted at the end of the day.  So many times I have said to myself, "I need to sit down to my computer and write to my baby".  And yet just as many times as I've said that, I've thought, "Oh, but I am so tired, I can't possibly do anything else today."

Know this, Little One.  Know that even though I may not be writing to you as often as I did your brothers, you are equally loved, and we are just as excited to welcome you into our family.  As my bump increases and my sickness decreases, I look forward to writing to you more often.  Until then, you are loved more than you could know.  We anxiously await your arrival, for you are a beautiful reminder to us of God's grace and blessings on our lives.

Love,
Mama