Well, I haven’t been on the blog in a month. In my last post, I briefly mentioned our struggles with infertility throughout 2012, and how we had some big decisions to make about continuing fertility treatments and/or beginning the process of adoption in 2013. This post is just a quick update about those decisions.
Let’s talk about the adoption update first. We’ve decided that now is the time for us to step out in faith and begin the process of adoption! Even if we had the ability to have biological children without any difficulty, adoption has always been a first choice for us. It is something that we knew we would eventually do for our family. Considering the amount of time and money that an international adoption takes (for us $30,000 and a minimum of 2.5 years), it just made sense for us to begin our adoption journey now. Adoption is going to be a long process, and we are only at the beginning. While we are excited about it, the actual “bringing a baby home” is so far in the future that it is difficult for me to get too excited about it at this time. Unlike our journey through infertility, I plan on blogging about our journey through adoption as we go through it, so I’ll share more adoption details in later posts.
Adoption is a wonderful thing, and I can’t wait to bring our baby home from
(if the Lord wills); however,
adoption does not take away my desire to have children naturally. I have a
strong, equal desire to journey through both adoption and pregnancy. It is our goal to grow our family both ways
if we are able, which brings me to our infertility update. In my last post, I
mentioned that we were meeting with an RE in January to discuss the possibility
of an IUI, after my OBGYN told me that there was nothing more that she could do
for us. The RE had me try a new hormone
medicine in January, which failed to result in pregnancy; therefore, we’ve
decided to schedule our first IUI this month for the morning of Monday,
February 18. I’m really praying that the
IUI is successful, because in the previous four months of medical treatments
the following have failed: one failed month of progesterone (LP); two failed
months of Clomid (CD3-7), follicle studies with HCG trigger shots(CD12) and
progesterone(LP); one failed month of Femara (CD3-7) and progesterone (LP). If
my CD14 ultrasound shows mature follicles this month, we’ll proceed with a
trigger shot and an IUI on the same day.
If my follicles don’t look mature, then we will not be able to do an IUI
this month due to my husband going out of town for the remainder of my fertile
days. I had some concern about doing
both the IUI and the trigger shot on the same day, but my doctor tells me that
it should be fine. Usually an IUI is a
day after the trigger shot, but my husband is leaving for a business trip on
CD14 and will be gone for four days, meaning that it’s all or nothing on
CD14. If any of these terms sound
confusing to you, I promise I will explain what it all means in detail when I
write a later post about my journey through infertility. China
I’m not nervous about the IUI. The procedure itself should be quick and easy. I am, however, nervous about the results of the IUI. There is a lot riding on this IUI for us this month both financially and emotionally. Financially, the IUI is $500. Add that amount to the usual $500 we’ve been spending on hormone therapy each month, and we’re looking at $1,000 for fertility this month. Matt tells me not to think about the money and to just concentrate on relaxing and praying that the procedure works for us. An IUI cost much less than IVF (10K). Even so, we’ve spent more than I would have ever hoped to spend on fertility between numerous test, procedures and treatments. The emotional investment this month is more concerning to me than the financial one. Emotionally, I will be crushed more than I usually am if this month doesn’t result in a pregnancy. Each month of disappointment is more difficult than the last, but I’m absolutely dreading the very real possibility of another negative test this month.
Before I end this post, let me say that it has been too painful for me to blog about each detail of our infertility as we’ve gone through it. After this month, I am hoping to take time to sit down and write my entire infertility story. I’m waiting until the end of this month, because we are taking a break from fertility treatments if we do not get pregnant this round. My body has been through a lot, as I am now on my fifth month of hormones. Emotionally and physically, I need to take some time off after this round, before scheduling another IUI in a few months if this month’s IUI fails. We are hoping that this month will result in a pregnancy, and our journey through infertility will come to an end. Unfortunately, I am more than used to the disappointment of not getting pregnant month after month. The reality is that this month could quite possibly end with more disappointment. Please pray that the IUI goes well, and that God gives me the grace to accept the outcome of the procedure, no matter what it may be.