I’ve been
really bad about keeping up with my blog this summer, but I wanted to give a
quick infertility update. My last post about
our journey, stated that we were going to be starting more treatments this
summer, and a few people have recently inquired about how our treatments are
going. After a much needed break from
treatments following our failed IUI in February, we did indeed begin more
fertility treatments at the beginning of July. Here’s a quick infertility recap
since my last post in March:
While we
weren’t seeking treatments this past spring, I did still use OPKS (ovulations
predictor kits) each month, simply so I knew if my body was ovulating on its own
or not. Before we can receive the
miracle of pregnancy, we needed the miracle of ovulation. Since that didn’t happen in March, April or
May, there wasn’t much to hope for as far as a pregnancy was concerned. No ovulation….no pregnancy. The only good thing about not ovulating for
those three months was that I didn’t stress out each month waiting to see if I was
pregnant.
We had
planned on starting treatments in June, but since we were taking our summer
vacation in June, we pushed treatments back to July. Our prayer was that God would provide a
miracle for us, and we would get pregnant before our planned treatments in July. But if He chose not to allow us to get pregnant
during that time, we would take that as a sign to go forward with our planned
treatments. For a short time, we thought
we may have actually gotten our miracle.
After three
anovulatory cycles, I finally got a positive OPK in June! I can’t tell you how excited we were! Our positive OPK came the very first day of
our summer vacation. We thought it was
such perfect timing, because we would be able to relax and enjoy one another
during that week. Even though the positive
OPK came a little later than we wanted, on day 16 of my cycle, we were still
excited to know that my body was actually trying to ovulate on its own. However, the next day, I tested again….and
the OPK was still positive. If you use
OPKs, you know that a positive test indicates ovulation within 24 hours. The fact that my test was still positive
indicated that I had not yet ovulated. I
was little disheartened at that point, because that put my cycle day at 17,
making for a late ovulation and an even shorter amount of time for my body to
fertilize an egg and implant a pregnancy.
And then I tested again the next day….and wouldn’t you know the test was
still positive. At that point I was
sitting in our little cottage in Maine, crying my eyes out. I felt like I had built my hopes up, only to
have them be crushed! The fact that I
had three positive days of testing in a row, indicated that my body was having
a hard time releasing an egg, and there was a chance it wouldn’t release an egg
at all. Considering that it was already
day 18 of my cycle, and I only had ten days left of my very accurate cycle, I
was losing hope in getting pregnant that month.
I didn’t
test for ovulation again after that night.
I was all out of tests, and I didn’t want it to ruin our vacation by focusing
on test results. We know for sure if I
did release an egg in June, we spent our vacation fertilizing it;) When we got back from our vacation, I
immediately started taking progesterone.
My body doesn’t make enough on its own, and it is vital in achieving a
pregnancy. We did everything that we
knew how to do to achieve a pregnancy in June. My basal body temps were
remaining high towards the end of my cycle, and I was four days late….all a
good sign of a possible pregnancy.
However, I also knew that the progesterone I was taking can cause both
of those things to happen as well….but still, I hung onto hope. All hope was lost, when my basal body
temperature plummeted on the 4th of July and soon after a new cycle
started. I’m not going to lie….June was
a very disappointing month for us. I
took it pretty hard. We really thought
we might have had it that month. We really thought God was going to answer our
prayers, but we trust that He knows best and that it just wasn’t the right time
for us to get pregnant.
And so that
brings us to July. July was our first
month back to our reproductive endocrinologist since our failed IUI in
February. Treatments started out with a
lovely invasive ultrasound on a Sunday morning.
Yeah, a Sunday morning….what a way to get my day started, right? Unfortunately, cycle days control everything
about fertility treatments, and that particular ultrasound had to be done on
CD3, which just happened to be very early on a Sunday morning for me. As far as
our treatment plan for July, we decided to only use Famera (an ovulation
stimulating drug) and timed intercourse this month as our treatment plan, followed
by progesterone supplements to lengthen my luteal phase. Famera has always brought on an ovulation by
CD14 in the past, however, this month I didn’t appear to ovulate until CD16,
even though I took Famera. That was a
little disheartening to say the least.
I’m nearing
the end of my cycle and I should know soon if we need to continue treatments in
August or if we had a successful month of treatments in July. If July proves to be unsuccessful, we will
move onto our treatment plan for August which includes: Famera (CD3-7), an ultrasound
to measure follicles followed by trigger shot (CD13), an IUI (CD14), and then
progesterone for the remaining of my cycle to lengthen the leuteal phase. If that fails in August, we are willing to do
the exact same treatment plan in September for the very last time. We have come
to terms with these three months of treatments being our last attempts of
fertility treatments. I hate the idea of
these few months of treatments failing, but if it comes to that, I pray that I
have the grace to accept the situation for what it is.
Matt and I certainly
covet your prayers during this time. It’s
been said that when we, as believers, petition the Lord for something, the
answer is either “yes”, “no” or “not now”.
I’ve gone to the Lord with my petitions many times over my lifetime, but
never has it hurt so bad to not have the answer be “yes”. Matt and I so very badly want the answer to
be “yes”. We are still praying for that
miracle. Even after being told that
there is a good chance that we may never get pregnant, we still believe in
miracles. And yes, even if we get
pregnant with the help of doctors….we still believe that to be a miracle that
only God can do. God is the giver of
life….not our doctors, but we do believe that God can use our doctors to
increase our chances of conceiving a life. And
yes, even if these treatments fail, we will still pray for a miracle. We are praying that we some day not only get
the joy of adoption (something that we are beyond excited about, by the way),
but that we also get to experience the joys of creating a life that is a
reflection of our two lives becoming one.
We’re not sure if the answer to that prayer is “no”. The reality is that it may never be God’s
plan to allow us to experience that. He
may have a different plan for us that we don’t understand right now. When looking back on this experience many
years in the future, we may have a better understanding of why we were allowed
to hurt through our journey with infertility.
However, we also understand that perhaps the answer to our prayer is
simply “not now.” Again, as we are going
through this, we certainly don’t understand why God is choosing to not bless us
with a pregnancy right now, but we trust that in time we will be able to look
back and understand that God’s hand was in all of this….even in the hurt.
To read more about our journey through infertility, click the following links:
