It’s been a year since I woke up to what I think may be the most exciting news I’ve ever had. Yes, after months of trying to pregnant, we finally saw those two pink lines on a pregnancy test one year ago. My life has changed so much in a year.
Some changes I’m still getting used to. Like my body, for example. I’m not sure that I will ever get used to what my twin pregnancy did to my body. I was stretched out to the max, and I have the scars to prove it. But my scars, while they are certainly not beautiful, are a beautiful reminder of what my body was able to do ~ grow two good-size healthy babies inside of me for 37 weeks.
Some changes were expected. Financial changes can be stressful, but we are managing as we were prepared to go from a two income home to a one income home. For us, having the babies meant that we chose to significantly decrease the amount of money coming into our bank account each month by me not working outside of the home, and we increased the amount of money being taken out of our bank account each month because babies cost A LOT of money. This is a change that we expected, and I have no regrets about this decision. We always budgeted off of Matt’s income alone, but my income was all of the extras. I’m not gonna lie when I say I miss the extras. We are adjusting to these financial changes, but being able to take care of my own babies while they are babies is worth not being able to go out to dinner every week or grab a Starbucks whenever I want. It’s worth not being able to take nice vacations or go shopping just because I want something without actually having a need for something. Yes, it’s a big change, but a change that we can get used to. I understand not everyone is able to make this choice, so I am thankful that for us it was a choice. And for us, it was the right decision.
Some changes I could do without. Sleep deprivation would certainly fall into this category. I don’t think I’ve had a decent night’s sleep since my first trimester. Having to pee every thirty minutes kept me from sweet sleep for the majority of my pregnancy. Baby movement kept me up most nights in my third trimester, and contractions the last three weeks of my pregnancy made it almost impossible to sleep. And then the babies came, and you know how that goes. Sleep? What is that? That’s how I felt about sleep once the babies came. I didn’t even recognize it. Even now, I still have not slept through the night, because there has not been a night where both babies have slept straight through. Oh how I can’t wait for the day I get 7-8 hours of sleep without any interruptions! How wonderful that will be!
And then there are the changes that will never be the same. Like how our family of two went to a family of four over night. I certainly miss being able to get away with the hubs for a romantic weekend whenever we wanted. A year ago, we were taking our annual
Lake Michigan weekend trip and packing only our
beach chairs, a cooler and our beach bag.
This year, we are taking the babies along, and you should see all of the
gear we are lugging to the beach! It’s
crazy how much more work it is to do anything with babies. I miss having my husband all to myself and he
having me without the babies needing me first.
But, at the same time, this is such a precious time in our lives. And while our lives revolve around the babies
at the moment, life will soon calm down and not be so hectic. No, life will never be the way it was before
we had babies, but life is far more rewarding now that we are responsible for
these two little beings that were created out of our love for one another.
Best of all, there are the changes that I don’t think I could live without now that they’ve happened. These changes include holding my little ones in my arms….nursing them in the middle of the night…..rocking them when they are fussy….kissing their sweet cheeks….and this list goes on and on. Like the look Aaron gives me when he’s cuddling with me. He stares right into my eyes, like I’m his one true love and he’s mine. And I couldn’t imagine life without seeing Ethan’s little smile when I sing to him. His chubby cheeks and little dimple melt my heart every time. And how I love to hear my babies jibber jabber amongst one another. They can carry on a conversation as if they can understand what the other is saying. Most of all, I can’t imagine not being able to experience the love of a mother. It is a love like none other. A love I can not explain. It has changed me for the better, and in some ways it is now part of what defines me. I am a lot of things, but I am honored to say that within this past year I have become a mother who loves her two sons more than she could have ever imagined.
These babies were the answer to our prayers. Yes, there have been a lot of changes this past year. Tonight I am reminded of those changes and that change is a good thing;)