In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ~ Proverbs 3:6

Monday, October 21, 2013

Adoption Update - Pregnant but still Planning to Adopt


I’ve had a lot of people ask me if we are still planning to adopt, now that we know we are pregnant.  The answer is yes.  Our choice to adopt really was not about us not being able to get pregnant. Adoption was always something that we had always wanted to do, but not being able to get pregnant certainly affected the timing of our adoption journey.

In my last adopotion update, I shared that in November of 2012, we decided to pursue both fertility and adoption at the same time.  We reached out to an adoption contact in January and applied for international adoption.  We then met with an agency in February, only to be told that the country our hearts were set on adopting from, China, would not accept any of our paperwork until I turned 30.  The paperwork could not be more than six months old when China received it.  Since I did not turn 30 until February of 2014, we were basically told to wait until August of 2013 to get back with the agency and continue our adoption process.  From there, we could dig into paperwork, schedule and complete our home study and prepare our dossier in the fall of 2013 before sending everything to China in February.  It was a little hard to be told that we had to wait to pursue our China adoption, but it did give us a chance to start saving up the money for the adoption.  While I was a little disheartened that a trip to China seemed like an eternity away, Matt saw it as a blessing and an opportunity to prepare financially for our adoption journey.

In January of 2013, we decided to put $500 a month into our adoption fund, with the hope of having about half of our $30,000 saved up by the time we were ready to finalize the adoption.  I’ll be honest, I didn’t know if that was always going to work.  We looked over our finances, and decided that we really thought we could step out in faith and make it happen. If by some chance money was tight a certain month, we would make a choice to limit everything necessary to continue banking away our commitment of $500 a month into an adoption fund.  Can I tell you we haven’t really had to limit ourselves too much financially like I thought we were going to…..at least not yet. Matt has made every bit of our adoption money in monthly bonuses this year, which we are beyond grateful for. I’m not saying it will always be that way, but I am saying that so far God has provided more than we expected.  And yes, it is a little scary to think that we are having two babies and going back to one income in a few months, but we know who provides our needs.  Matt can cover all of the monthly bills on his base salary alone, but we have certainly wondered about hospital bills and our commitment to this adoption fund when I’m not working.  All I can say is that we trust it will all work out, and even with one income, we still plan on keeping our commitment to our adoption fund.

While we were basically told to play the waiting game on our adoption process, fertility treatments were not getting us anywhere either.  After our failed IUI in February, we took a break from treatments.  It was certainly a depressing time for me, to be told we couldn’t pursue our China adoption right away and to realize that there was a good chance that we could walk away from fertility treatments all together without conceiving a baby.  And then July came.  We sought another round of fertility treatments for the last time.   July came and went, and on August 2, we found out we were pregnant!  Two weeks later, we found out it was with twins! 

At the same time we found out we were pregnant with twins, we were supposed to get back with our adoption agency, because we were now six months away from my 30th birthday and could continue the adoption process.  And so we contacted our agency.  We shared our pregnancy news with them.  Knowing that we would have to redo a home study once the babies arrived, we asked if we should continue the adoption process or wait unti the babies were born.  We also had some questions about our finances changing once the babies came.  We more than meet the finacial qualifications to adopt right now, but once the babies come, our annual income will drop to only Matt's income and our debt may increase depending on what kind of delivery we have and what kind of hosptital bills may come with that.  

The agency was very excited about our pregnancy news, and after all of our questions were answered, they advised us to wait until after the babies were born to continue our adoption process. For one, any time there is a change in the family dynamic, such as the babies being born, the adoption process is put on hold until a home study has been updated and sent back to China, which is an additional $800.  Secondly, we were told that the dossier and home study can, in general, be a stressful process.  The lady from the agency we have been keeping in contact with, who has also adopted from China, told us that if it was her, she would enjoy the pregnancy and wait until the babies were a few months old to continue our adoption process.  We agreed and decided to listen to her wisdom and advice.  As far as our finacial concerns, we were told that while having the twins will make our financial quallifications go up, Matt's income alone should still qualify us to adopt from China.  However, any time there is a dramatic change in income, paperwork needs to be updated anyway, so it just makes sense to wait until after the babies arrive to continue with our adoption process.

So that’s where we are with adoption.  We are waiting AGAIN and continuing to save up the money for our adoption, but YES, we are still planning to adopt a son or daughter from China.  We cannot wait to meet him or her, as this process seems like it will take forever.  Because we have never felt the need to adopt an infant, we know that there is a chance that our little one is already born, and we pray for him or her daily.  We pray for their wellbeing and that God would already be preparing their heart and our hearts for when we can finally be a part of each other's lives.  I have no idea when or if this adoption will ever be completed, or in our case when it will really even get started, but we still believe that adoption is the right choice for us and are doing what we can to prepare ourselves for the journey. 

 

 

 

6 comments:

  1. I just found your blog through a google search about updating homestudies if you get pregnant. Congrats on your twins!! That is so exciting! I'm pregnant with my second (we have a 20 month old daughter, and a little boy due in May), and once he is born we are going to start really pursuing our dreams of adopting. I really feel a connection with you, since adoption isn't about not being able to have kids for us. We just feel strongly that we have a child out there who is supposed to be a part of our family. We don't need an infant either, but are hoping to keep our daughter the oldest- however, if it takes a few years, we could be adopting a 3 year old. Anyway, I just wanted to comment and say thanks for sharing your journey. And thanks for answering my question- I was curious if at some point in the process (a few years down the road) we get pregnant again, how it would effect our adoption paperwork- if we would have to start all over again, etc. This really puts my mind at ease!

    Anyway, congratulations again, twins is so crazy/exciting!!

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    1. Thank you for visiting my blog! Our twins were born a little over three weeks ago. We are so in love! We are still looking forward to beginning our adoption process whenever things get settled down around here with the babies. Best of luck to you and your adopotion journey! Can't wait to hear more about it!

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  2. Great post! Been reading a lot of different people's different adoption stories. Thank you so much for sharing!

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  3. There are many people who adopt despite having their own biological child. It may sound unrealistic, but for some, what moves them to adopt is certainly more than just infertility or charity. It’s their compelling love for life and how their precious moments with children reminds them how beautiful it is.

    Dean Glover @ Adoption Network

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  4. Rachel,
    Thank you for sharing about your family. We are currently in the process of domestic infant adoption, and I just found out I'm pregnant (very unexpectedly!). We are going to adopt, but now we are praying about the timing. I hope to talk with our adoption agency the beginning of next week to find out about their requirements for this situation. Our desire to adopt isn't so much about growing our family (though we LOVE children, and enjoy the 2 that we already have), but even more a calling from God to protect life.
    Anyway, this is a long comment, but I'm curious how you talked with your family and friends about your new circumstances. Did you find there were some helpful ways to explain what was going on? While the vast majority of our family and friends area amazingly supportive, there have been a few holdouts who have questioned our adopting at all. We haven't made our good news known yet about our pregnancy, but I'm praying for wisdom on how to respond to people's questions.
    Any advice and certainly any spare prayers you have would be greatly appreciated.
    By grace,
    Cristy

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